Illinois vs. Mizzery

Tonight, 8pm @ Schoolyard
Email me and let me know if you are going to make it.

Saturday Morning

I woke up excited. I had tickets to the Illini game, the squad was looking solid, and I was ready to take some notes in preparation for the first IGP of the season.

Saturday Evening

Embarrassed and defeated, I endured chants of UIC-UIC-UIC as I attempted to have a nice dinner with some hoopster friends. It was depressing.

My good buddy Shomo had it worse. He was stuck in a cabin full of UIC grads in Colorado. "Please tell me this is a typo," he texted.

Disappointing

I don't think I've ever felt this disappointed after watching an Illini basketball game. Last year's loss in the NIT to Dayton actually made me turn off the game before it was over. I had never done that before, but I had also never seen an Illini team play with such little heart...until last Saturday.

It was clear during lay-up lines. At one end of the court, UIC was excited, ready to play, and getting angry. At the other end, the Illini were double pumping lay-ups and looking like they were getting ready for an intramural game. It reminded me of a quote from Mike Davis after the Oakland game, "It's our fault as seniors (he said of the slow first half against Oakland). It started in the pregame warm-ups, kind of goofing around too much, laughing, laying around, shooting bad shots. It's the seniors' fault." We can re-use this quote to describe the UIC game.

Game Thoughts

After watching the debacle at the United Center, there are a few things that need changing:

1. End of game play calling. Brutal. Under Head Coach Bruce Weber, the Illini have had some brutal end of game plays. With the exception of OSU last year in the Big Ten Tournament, we never seem to get a solid, open shot with time running out. A fade away 3-pointer to end it?

2. Bill Cole should not be inbounding the ball. He led Demetri McCamey out of bounds with 3 seconds remaining. Then he was given another chance with 1 second remaining and threw it into the stands. Teams practice these plays all the time, and we couldn't even get the ball in - twice!

3. Come out earlier during halftime. The shooting was awful in the first half. Why not get out there as soon as possible and take a few extra shots? Instead, Bruce kept the team in the locker room until 1 minute was remaining. The first shot after intermission was a near air ball by Mike Tisdale who was short all night.

4. Jereme Richmond should be starting.

5. Bench everybody except D-Mac. I would love to have seen Meyers Leonard, Crandall Head, Tyler Griffery, and Joseph Bertrand come in for every other starter. Individually, every Illini player should be better than every other UIC player in uniform. A mass benching might have lit a fire.

Looking Ahead

How the Illini respond will tell us a lot about this team. UIC did a great job of mixing up defenses between man-to-man, 1-3-1, and 3-2 zones. Mizzery will do the same. Led by Nolan Richardson disciple Mike Anderson, the Tigers will mix up looks and press for much of the game. With Brandon Paul questionable for tonight's game, Illinois will be pressed for some new ball-handlers to step up.

The good news is that Mizzery's Sophomore Point Guard Phil Pressey is out at least two weeks after breaking his right ring finger in practice [Sidebar: What kind of a sissy is Pressey that he can't tape his fingers together and tough it out?]. Unfortunately, Pressey will be replaced by Sophomore Guard Michael Dixon who was suspended for violating an unspecified team rule. Dixon sat out wins against Arkansas Pine Bluff, Oral Roberts, and Central Arkansas. Gee, what a convenient time to end that suspension.

Mizzery is 160th overall in rebounding; so don't be impressed if the Illini look good hitting the boards. If the Illini are crisp in passing the rock and maneuvering through the press, we'll be fine. I would usually say that we can expect a big game from Mike Davis or Mike Tisdale, but I am hoping that Jereme Richarson and Tyler Griffey can motor this boat on the Illini front line.

Illinois - 87
Mizzery - 83


Sincerely,
Your Favorite Bouncer in Chicago


PS...Illini fans, I will be out of the country in Italy, and I will not be covering the Big Ten opener against Iowa on 12/29. Be sure to tune in after the Texas Bowl. I should be back in business for the 1/6 game against Northwestern. Word on the street is that Mark Pinsof could be a guest columnist and is currently casting for a short film about a former Illini b-baller who is now working as a bouncer.

IGP: Tournament Edition

Before we get to the meat of this IGP, which unfortunately doesn’t really involve the Illini, I need to get a few things off my chest.

Illini

WE GOT HOSED. Yes, we had every chance possible to make the tourney, but I feel empty filling out my brackets and not being able to write down the Illini (I actually would predict Illinois to win in the first round, but there is no way to write someone in when the bracket is online.).

Minnesota doesn’t deserve it; they finished behind us in the Big10 and after we softened OSU up with a double OT game on Saturday, Minny couldn’t even finish within 25 of the Muckeyes on Sunday.

Most Illini fans do not think the NIT is even worth watching but don’t underestimate the importance of extra practice time for the team. College basketball squads have limited allowable time together, and this could give the Illini 5 more games and an extra 2 weeks of practice. All the extra game experience will come in handy for next year – particularly for the freshman.

Oh yeah, and the championship game is on April Fool’s. Expect some sniping from co-workers if we make it that far.

It’s Tourney Time

The odds of predicting every game in the trounament are 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808. You have a better chance of winning the lottery – twice – than filling out a perfect bracket. I’d say that the odds are working even harder against you this year. 2010 was a topsy-turvy year for teams voted to the top of the AP and Coach’s Poll. Last year’s NCAA Champion, North Carolina, started the year as #6 in the country and didn’t even make the NCAA. As a matter of fact, they barely squeaked by William & Mary in the first round of the NIT. Syracuse is the #1 seed in the West, but they started the year with an exhibition loss to Le Moyne. That’s Division II…worse than losing to Lipscomb.

The Texas Longhorns were ranked #1 on 1/16, but lost 6 of the next 9 games to drop out of the top 25. The Georgtown Hoyas were ranked in the top 5 early but went 4-7 to close the Big East regular season. The Illini were not the only team all over the map this year.

To win your office pool, you have to play a little strategy. Check it out.

Pick KU

As much as it pains me, you have to pick KU to compete in your pool. 95% of all entries will have the Jayhawks in the Final 4, and it doesn’t pay to go against the grain when that many people have the same pick. Find another slot in your Final 4 to choose a dark horse.

Choose a Dark Horse

You need at least 1 sleeper pick. I’m not talking about choosing a 12-5 upset in the first round. I’m talking about picking a Davidson or a George Mason to go deep. Last year, Arizona barely made the field of 64, but they played well enough to make it to the Sweet 16. There are some strong teams that dropped in rankings late in the year, who could be this year’s Arizona. Look at San Diego State (11 seed), Cornell (12 seed), Clemson (7 seed) or Marquette (6 seed). Stay as far away as possible from Texas.

Pick the South

In my opinion, the South looks like the toughest region to pick. Duke won’t make the Final Four; Villanova doesn’t have the defense or the size to do it either; and Purdue is lost without Hummel. That leaves Baylor, Texas A&M, or some other mystery team. Proceed at your own risk.

My Favorite Column of All-Time

Hockey players, among all athletes, have the coolest way of entering the
game, hopping over the boards with one hand, like Steve McQueen getting into a
convertible. But basketball is forever, and so players are often made to
genuflect in front of the scorer's table for a moment before stepping onto the
court, as if entering a house of worship. Which, in a manner of speaking, they
are.

For one is baptized into basketball not with water but confetti (conferred
on the head by Curly Neal). And one believes in basketball, as one believes in
the Bible and in all those names that are common to both: Moses and Isiah and
Jordan…

Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden and so -- eventually -- were the
Celtics, and sometime in between I became a believer, and this is my profession
of faith:

I believe in Artis Gilmore, whose wife is named --as God is my witness --
Enola Gay.

I believe in new high-tops, always evocative of Christmas morning, for you
get to open a large box, remove crinkly paper stuffed into the toes, and --
before wearing them for the first time -- inhale deeply from each sneaker as if
from an airplane oxygen mask. (It's what wine connoisseurs call "nosing the
bouquet" and works for Pumas as well as pinot noirs.)

I believe in tear-away suits, which make the wearer feel -- when summoned
from the bench -- like Clark Kent, ripping off his business suit to reveal the S
on his chest.

I believe a team's fortunes can always be foretold -- not from the length
of its lifelines but from the integrity of its lay-up lines.

I believe in God Shammgod and Alaa Abdelnaby, and James (Buddha) Edwards
(and in Black Jesus, Earl Monroe's nickname long before it was the Pearl).

I believe in accordion-style bleachers that push back to expose, after a
game, car keys and quarters and paper cups, which sound like a gunshot when
stomped on just right. (And always, stuck to the floor, the forlorn strands of
molting pom-poms.)

I believe -- now more than ever, in the time of global disharmony -- in
World B. Free and Majestic Mapp. And that control of the planet's contested
regions might be better determined by a simple, alternating possession
arrow.

I believe that 300 basketballs dribbled simultaneously by eight-year-old
basketball campers sound like buffalo thundering across the plains. And inspire
even greater awe.

I believe that two high school janitors pushing twin dust mops at halftime
can be every bit as hypnotic as dueling Zambonis.

I believe that any sucker can wear a $40,000 gold necklace as thick as a
bridge cable when the only necklace worth wearing in basketball is a nylon net
that costs $9.99. (but --and here's the point -- it can't be bought.)

I'm a believer in Lafayette Lever and regret never having covered him, for
if I had, my first sentence about him would have been, "There must be 50 ways to
love your Lever."

I believe that jumping off a trampoline, turning a midair somersault,
slam-dunking and sticking the landing -- while wearing a gorilla suit that's
wearing, in turn, a Phoenix suns warm-up jacket -- is enough to qualify you as a
first-ballot Hall-of-Famer.

I believe in Harthorne Wingo, and I believe in Zap the dingo, the Detroit
shock mascot whose costume was stolen from the Palace of Auburn Hills by two men
who were caught -- one in the dingo head, the other in the dingo feet --
drinking in a bar across the street.

I believe in dunking dirty clothes into the hallway hamper and sky-hooking
-- from the shotgun seat -- quarters into highway toll baskets. And I believe in
finger-rolling heads of lettuce into my shopping cart, even though I have never,
in the last 10 years, eaten a piece of lettuce at home.

I believe I can still hold, in my right hand, a boom box the size of
Samsonite Streamlite while carrying, in my left, a slick rubber ball whose
pebble-grain stubble has long before been dribbled away. And that I can do so
while riding a 10-speed bike and steering with my knees.

I believe that the Truth (Drew Gooden) and the Answer (Allen Iverson) are
out there, if we will simply follow the bouncing ball.

I believe that we, the basketball faithful, speak in tongues: the red,
wagging tongue of Michael Jordan and the red, wagging tongues of our unlaced
Chuck Taylors.

I believe that Larry Bird's crooked right index finger -- which he raised
in triumph before his winning shot fell in the 1988 All-Star weekend three-point
contest -- resembles, almost exactly, God's crooked right index finger, as
depicted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

Which would make sense, If God made man in His image. For I believe, above
all, in what G.K. Chesterton wrote, and what Rick Telander echoed in the title
of a book: Earth is a task garden. But heaven is a playground.

-Steve Rushin

Enjoy the tournament.

Sincerely,
The Office Pool

Illinois vs. Lophers

Illini Game Preview
Illinois vs. Mini
Tomorrow @ 3pm

Let's look at a few of Bruce Weber's motivational tactics from this up and down season:

1. Benched his best player. (Demetri McCamey did not start vs. Iowa or Indiana in early January)
2. Banned players from interviews. (after loss to NU)
3. Had the players revote their captains. (elected McCamey and Junior Bill Cole)
4. Reworked pre-game shootaround. (to counter slow starts against Gonzaga and IU)
5. Benched his 2nd best player. (Mike Davis)
(List compiled from Paul Klee's Twitter Feed - PKlee. Check it out. Lot's of great Illini info.)

The man has worked hard this year. He pulled out a career's worth of ploys in only a few months, and anyone of them could have backfired in a big way. I was extremely skeptical when Coach put McCamey on the bench because I thought he was the only Illini playing with any heart. Coach knew what #32 was capable of and McCamey has responded so unbelievably well that he might have even played himself into this year's NBA draft. Without Turner, McCamey is this year's Player of the Year.

Mike Davis is another situation that could have ended badly. It was clear that the Junior forward wasn't playing with any confidence, and being sent to the bench could have further eroded his psyche. But the splinters in his ass caught fire, and he has been on a 'pogo stick' since playing Wisky.

We've had an extremely tough back half of the season. Coach Weber was recently quoted as saying, "I think we're playing some of our best basketball. But the whole year, consistency has been a question." I agree. Now it's time to finish strong.

Madness

This season has flown by. During Tuesday's game against Fichigan, both Brent Musberger and Steve Lavin put the Illini firmly into the field of 64. One more regular season or Big Ten Tournament win locks the bid up. Each successive win just helps with seeding. After tomorrow's game, the Illini will be a lock.

Mini-Sota

The Golden Lophers narrow hopes of making the tournament were dashed on Wednesday when they lost by the slimmest of margins to Purdue, 59-58. After such an emotional game and not much riding on tomorrow's match-up, I don't expect the Lophers to put up much of a fight. We had some problems with Minnesota's front line last year, but a resurgent Mike Davis pulled down 12 boards and scored 13 points Tuesday. Sophomore Center Ralph Sampson III (great bloodlines) is a big boy at 6'11" 240 so Davis and Tisdale will have to utilize their mid-range games to prevent Sampson from clogging up the middle while the Illini are on offense.

I'd love to see the Illini Freshman build some extra confidence closing out the season. Brandon Paul is usually good for one SportsCenter highlight a game. What do you say he creates an entire reel alongside runningmate DJ Richardson?

Illinois - 71
Lophers - 62


Sincerely,
The All Big10 Team Injury Bug
(victims: Evan Turner, Kalin Lucas, Robbie Hummel)

Illinois vs. Wisky

Tonight @ 6pm
Where? I'm open to suggestions. Shoot me an email.

The rest of America needs to take a cue from New Orleans and make the Monday after every Super Bowl a national holiday. I mean, the Super Bowl itself is already the single greatest celebration of American patriotism aside from Independence Day – apologies to President’s Day, Thanksgiving, Kasmir Polaski Day, and Bastille Day.

A favorite part of Big Sunday is always the commercials. At my office, that was the topic of conversation. Forget the masterful performance of Saints QB Drew Breeze or the 5 lb balls Saints Head Coach Sean Payton, my coworkers wanted to talk about Betty White, free breakfast at Denny’s, and a house built out of Bud Light. Personally, I liked e-Trade (that Milk-o-holic Lyndsey), Doritos (keep your hands off my mama), and Budweiser Auto-Tune.
They were all pretty good, but let me show you some of the best of all time…Super Bowl and non-Super Bowl included.

Terry Tate Office Linebacker

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You kill the Joe. You make some mo’!

The pain train is coming. Woo! Woo!

You know you need a cover sheet on the TPS report, Richard! That ain’t new baby.

Bud Light Swear Jar

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Can I borrow your pen? Can I borrow your f!$%ing pen?

Phil Collins

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Phil Collins radio anyone?

Before Sunday’s game, Peyton Manning was ready to be crowned the best QB of all-time. While I am a huge Peyton Manning fan, Drew Brees is as under appreciated as they come. There was a stat during the 10+ hours of pre-game that compared Manning and Brees over the past 6 year. They had the same amount of touchdown passes but Brees had 1200 more yards passing. Unfortunately, even with this Super Bowl victory, Brees is not considered in the same caliber as Manning. Well, not unless he wins another Super Bowl.

Another underappreciated athlete suits up tonight for the Illini. He’s #32, and he was just named co-Big10 Player of the Week (the other half of the award was his high school running mate Evan Turner). McCamey has accounted for 49% of the Illini offense during Big10 play; he is 9th in the country in assists; and he is on pace to have the single highest assist total in school history - the most since Deron Williams. At the beginning of the season, I could barely find a fan in Illini nation to believe in D Mac’s ability as a point guard and a leader. McCamey is changing a lot of minds this year. Will he ever be mentioned in the same breath as Deron Williams? Not yet. I think he’ll have to pull a Drew Brees.

Wisky

Like Michigan State on Saturday, Wisconsin is missing their leading scorer in 6’10” center Jon Leuer. Still, Wisky has been defying the odds all year, and they are practically unbeatable at Kohl. We will need to play even better than we did on Saturday to knock off the Badgers.

Freshman guard DJ Richardson had an amazing dunk in traffic Saturday. We need him to play lock down defense against Senior guard Trevon Hughes. Whatever happens, it’s going to be downright insane at the Kohl. The winner of this game is in the driver seat for the Big10 title. It’s going to be a good one.


Wisconsin – 59
Illinois – 63


Sincerely,
Abe Vigoda

Illinois vs. Purdon't

Tonight, 8pm @ The Yard
Shoot me an email if you're going to make it.


How about a little psych experiment? We’ll call it the college basketball version of the Rorshach test. Take a look at each of the pictures below and write down the first three words that come to mind.

1) Brian Cardinal

















2) Jess Settles





















3) Lucas Johnson
















4) Tom Coverdale




















5) Dane Fife

6) Greg Paulus















7) Chris Kramer

With the exception of #2, I have a feeling that each of these pictures made your blood boil. Brian Cardinal’s knee pads never lost a game to Illinois in his 4 years at Purdue; Dane Fife once bit Iowa’s Duez Henderson on national television; and Tom Coverdale was so despised that Illini student section booed him every time he touched the ball in Champaign (even during warm-ups). Each of these players would get so deep under the skin of opposing teams that they could change a game.

Earlier in the year I thought the Illini needed a defensive stopper from the past, but now I am convinced they need a little more. They need something like the guys shown above - a player that seems like he’s been in the conference forever, one who scraps during every play.

He’ll dive after loose balls (sometimes even when there is no chance to save it – always a fan favorite), he’ll take charges (sometimes flopping and many times getting the call), he’ll always get tangled up with the opposing teams best player (usually ending with his hands in the air proclaiming innocence), and at some point in his career he'll wear one of those plastic face masks because his nose was broken mixing it up.

Lucas Johnson once got Lute Olson so riled up that Arizona Head Coach ran out onto the court to complain to ref and pointed directly at Johnson, “He’s crazy!” Bill Self once said, “Lucas isn’t dirty; Lucas is annoying,”

I want a guy like this to come play for the Illini. This player could give the Illini some personality and be a character to rally behind when momentum seems like it's working against us.

Purdue

Purdue has one of those guys in Chris Kramer. Kramer seems like he’s been at Purdue since the late 90s. He’s a blue collar guy – a glue man that gets his nose dirty and his team riled up. Kramer is a defensive stopper who I expect to follow Dimitri McCamey all game; heck, he might even follow McCamey into the Illini huddle. After being ranked as high as 4th in the AP top 25, Purdue is now 7th in the Big10 coming off back-to-back-to-back losses.

This scares me. If we had problems with Michigan States pressure on Saturday, I am scared to think what is going to happen when the Boilermakers try to put the shackles on Illinois. Turnovers will be key. We have to hold on to the basketball – 12 or less turnovers please. We also have to crash the boards. JaJuan Johnson is an animal down low for Purdue. The second key to anIllini victory is to protect the glass. We did well on the boards for the first 15 minutes Saturday, but we fell off late in the game.

Bill Cole or Tyler Griffey, one of you has to put on your Lucas Johnson jersey if we want to win.

Illinois – 72
Purdon't - 69


Sincerely,
Victor Chukwedebe Spitz